I Am Not Alone

I KNOW I'm not alone in spirit.  I am NEVER alone in spirit.  I've got the Big Guy stride-by-stride with me always.  I've got *amazing* peeps who support me through prayers, blog comments, texts, e-mails, hugs, phone calls, gchats, you name it, I got 'em.  But I also learned today that I'm not alone in the physical "i.wasnt.made.to.be.a.runner" aspect. 

Today it rained.  It rained a lot.  Today it got cold.  Real cold.  Real fast.  I wasn't about to ruin those purrrrty new shoes of mine outside.  No way hosea.  I know, dedication.  So back to the gym I went.  To the *DreAded* treadmill.....  (*duhn*duhn*duhn*) (that was a sound effect in case you didn't catch it).  It was like staring at the grim reaper.  Stupid treadmills.  Treadmills cast a spell upon my body that make it IMpoSsible to run for any length of time. 

My work day ended in chaos and I needed to get.out.the.door to get to the gym to have enough time to get a workout in so I could make it to the first meeting of my small group on time.  I'm still a little nervous about this small group thing.  But I think it's going to be a great thing, once I get comfortable.  And they feed me.  And it's not bowls of cereal or pb&j.  Super plus.

Anyhow, I decided that I couldn't do anything about the chaos at work, and I needed to get.out.the.door.  So finally, I did.  I was just late.  By the time I got to the gym, a 5-mile (50 minute) run was out of the question.  Four miles (40 minutes) was possible.  I faced the grim reaper treadmill and started running.  Half a mile.  One mile.  One mile and a quarter.  One mile and half.  One mile point six. One mile point six six.  ....Onnn and on I stared at that stupid screen on the treadmill and convinced myself it was broken.  Not really, but I really wanted to believe it was broken.  So I gave in and told myself if I made it to 2 miles, I would "let" myself walk on a super duper incline for another mile before running the last mile.  So at 2 miles, I slowed the speed way down and put that puppy on a Super D-Duper incline and climbed a mountain for just over half a mile. 

While I was climbing, nice gym man (manager/owner?) brought some new towels to the cardio room and commented on the Super D-Duper incline I was not enjoying.  He said, "you must be a serious runner."  Ha!  I corrected him Real fast.  I told him about Secret City, noted that it is exactly one month and one day from today, and that I quit running some time ago.  Then he went on to tell me about how he used to run often, do 5ks and 10ks a lot, but just for the challenge and the t-shirts.  He, like me, said he never enjoyed running, he just did it for the challenge.  We talked about how running for us never ever gets easier, is not all too enjoyable for us, and some bodies just weren't made to be legit runners. 

I try to have a good attitude about running and dream of some day loving it.  But I felt so liberated when this man shared the exact same sentiment and experiences with running as I have had.  (And no, he wasn't just agreeing with me to hit on me.  He seems a very nice man, married with grown children and it was a slow day at the gym so he probably was a bit bored.)  I'm not made to be a runner.   But *That's*O.K.!*  I run for the challenge.  Not because I'm good at it.  Not because it makes the world make sense to me.  But because it is a challenge and it brought me together with some wonderful women who inspire me and support me and is bringing us together again.

I started this blog hopping that by the end of this training I would love running.  I now feel silly for hoping that.  It's O.K. that I don't love running.  Running is good for me mentally, physically and spiritually.  But so what if I don't love it?  Soooooo What???  I can still do it when I'm motivated by amazing women and friends. 

Planning to run (at the gym on the grim reaper treadmill tomorrow MoRninG!)  We shall see.  You know how I don't loooove my mornings.